There are a hundred ways to break yourself down. Everyone around you is trying to do that. Your colleagues, your “friends”, the college professor, your boss, your neighbour, social media, and even your parents. Every single day, we experience someone pulling us down in ever so subtle ways that it is even hard to realize that you were shamed or made to feel inferior. The speed and shallowness of modern relationships make us question our own beliefs about ourselves. The pace of life in the 21st century leaves us with several thoughts about ourselves that mess up our brains further. In short, you are surrounded by words, actions and situations that lead you into thinking things that not only waste your precious time and energy, but also leave you with false impressions and assumptions about yourself.
These are the thoughts that you should remove from your head as soon as your mind wanders into such zones.
Chum compares himself with others. He constantly feels he is short and inadequate. Don’t we all do it all the time too?
- I am fat/dark/ugly/”insert any other body shaming word”
The most common (and personally for me, the most irritating) complaint of every person is that they are not thin enough, not fair enough, not tall enough, not curvy enough, not hot enough. The constant thoughts of your body being inadequate for your soul leaves you feeling frustrated. The obsession with fitting into a small sized top or comparing yourself with a lighter-skinned friend of yours is unhealthy, and frankly, very irritating if you rant about it to others. This is the only body you have, and learn to accept it the way it is. Live happily in it, take care of it in a non-obsessive way, thank it for working well, and just be.
Chum couldn’t wake up early for his morning jog. Again. He terms himself “incapable”.
- I am incapable
If you have not been able to get a particular job, if you have not been able to clear that supplementary exam, or if you just have not been able to keep that promise to yourself for going for a regular morning jog, don’t right away brand yourself incapable. Be kind to yourself and give a hard assessment to the entire situation. Maybe you are not thinking well before the interview, maybe the way you have been studying has been ineffective, or perhaps you are pushing yourself too much for rising early when you can workout in the evening to suit your schedule. You are as capable as you would like to believe and as capable as you would like to prove to yourself and the world. Don’t believe false things about yourself before trying newer strategies to get what you want.
Chum had another heartbreak. This time, it was Tina. He thinks he is undesirable.
- I am undesirable
Post a bitter breakup, or after being rejected by a prospective love interest after the very first date, it is easy to start believing that you are undesirable. Why not think from the perspective that there are 7 billion people on this planet and by letting such feelings dwell, you are just branding yourself undesirable, in turn giving out such negative vibes to the next prospective someone in your vicinity. Give it a few days so that you get over it, but never brand yourself undesirable in your own head. You are as awesome as you would like the world to know.
Chum is thinking about his recent heartbreaks, of the jealousy he feels towards his ex. In his head, he thinks he “feels too much”! And he should rather go heartless and feel nothing.
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- I feel too much
Being emotional makes you human. Accept this and feel the anger, hurt, hatred, happiness, excitement and even jealousy. All these emotions are real and healthy till the time you don’t obsess. If you feel you are obsessing, then do a reality check and see where the problem is. But if you cry or feel hurt sometimes, don’t suppress your emotions by telling yourself that you are oversensitive or feel too much. Let them flow and be natural. Suppressed emotions lead to illnesses.
Chum lost the title to Tim. Now he thinks he is unlucky.
- I am unlucky
You are born as a human being in this universe, and that in itself is no less a miracle. You could have been born a crab or a crow, what would you have done then? Luck is one of those undetermined things that nobody knows exists, hence don’t deem yourself unlucky if you didn’t score well, couldn’t clear that interview or didn’t win that award.
Luck favours the brave. If you keep sitting at home never willing to take a plunge, several opportunities that some may deem as “luck” will surely evade you.
Seeing other couples, Chum starts feeling very lonely. He wants to be attached to someone to feel “complete”.
- I am unloved/I am alone
Being single for a long time can leave one feeling extremely lonely. However, it is now that we are accepting that singlehood is not that bad after all, and having a partner and getting married is not the only way life can be joyful. Life holds several types of happiness and several ways to feeling fulfilled. It is more important to pursue a passion, read, write, draw, sing or create something. These are enriching experiences too. The world holds tonnes of knowledge, and you don’t want to go to your deathbed feeling like you explored nothing while you had the time and just wasted it, waiting for that loneliness to subside. Loving one’s own company is something not everyone knows how to do, and it is something one should strive to learn.
Chum landed a job at Google and won the “Best Employee” award. He thinks he is the most intelligent person alive.
- I am the best/most intelligent/most charming/center of the universe
While it is not good to undermine yourself in all the above mentioned ways, it is extremely unhealthy, and frankly, stupid to think that you are the rockstar that this world needs, or the most intelligent or gifted person that exists. One must be aware that while we are good and capable, there are others out there who could be better than us in many ways. That balance in your approach towards others is always needed.
It’s all in the mind, folks! And removing the negativity and false impressions from our head is the first step towards living better.
Thank you for the article.
Great blog that I enjoyed reading.